Don’t take it personal… if I don’t go to your holiday party

I’m not sure how you’re feeling about gatherings, parties, events, etc. with all the current covid reporting but if you’re having a holiday thing and I don’t go, it’s nothing against you (or probably covid either).

I just don’t generally find going to these things fun. You might. A lot of other people might too. I don’t.

I’m not making some sort of a statement or gesture. It’s just that my “happy place” is typically a party of one, or 4, max.

I understand this is hard to understand for some because they wait all year for things like this. They LOVE these gatherings. Cool. I’m not like that. I’ll let you do you and I’ll do me.

That means I won’t judge that you probably had a difficult time having to stay in your house during quarantine (while I was comfortable being by myself) and in turn you won’t feel “some kind of way” about me not going to your party. Deal?

I do understand some people go out of their way to do something nice for me. Thank you. Seriously. I really appreciate it… but no thank you.

You’re actually not doing me any favors by “forcing me” to do something I’d rather not do—and I’ll bet that you’re not doing any favors for some other people as well.

Unless you’re a you’re-going-to-have-fun-whether-you-like-it-or-not kind of person, consider how your good intentions are doing the exact opposite, and if you really want to do something nice for me, give me something thoughtful based on what you know about me.

Alternatively, you can just tell me you appreciate and are grateful for our friendship / relationship. If you really want to make me feel good, let me know if I’ve been a positive influence in your life or something that stands out about me that lives in your head but that I probably have no idea about.

There are no words to describe how much people appreciate these kind and genuine sentiments… especially over a well-intentioned gift that says nothing of your relationship.

Bottom line, between work responsibilities and other duties, people barely have time to do things like create, contemplate, day dream, meditate, or otherwise be imaginative and “unproductive”.

That said, it’s okay to say no and if you’re on the receiving end of my ‘no’, just try to deal with it but above all, don’t take it personal.

All the best,
-Ivan